Dear Santa,
You must be very surprised that I am writing you today the 26th of
Decembre. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that
have occurred since the beginning of the month when, filled with
illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for speakers, a new motor
transport, a hat, and strings for my guitar so I can go on tour. I
destroyed my brain and my hands practicing and composing the whole year.
Not only did I do well but I got the highest response of anyone else
and I even got the highest grades in the classes I took. I am not going
to lie to you but there was no one else in my neighborhood that was as
kind and considerate as me, or did as much for the community as I have. I
would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street. There
was virtually nothing I would do for the benefit of humanity with my own
self-sacrifice. And as you know my band was going to put out a Xmas
record and dedicate it to you. What balls you have leaving me a fuckin'
yoyo, a lame whistle and a pair of ugly
socks! What the fuck were you thinking you fat prick! Have you forsaken
me for some sucker the whole damn year to con out with some shit like
this underneath my Xmas tree! And as if you had not fucked me enough you
gave those little quiffs down the block so much shit they can hardly
even go into their house! Don't let me see you next year
trying to fit your fat ass down my chimney - I'll fuck you up! I will
throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you will
have to walk back to the North Pole, just like I would have to do since
you did not get me that motor transport. FUCK YOU SANTA! Next year you
will find out how bad I can really be, you fat cocksucker.
Sincerely
Lil' Joey
Santa's Response:
Dear Lil' Joey,
Be thankful for what you did get. Remember, we know when you are sleeping. We know when you're awake. We know when you've been bad or good. And lastly, we know what you do in the shower, and it really upsets Mrs. Claus.
Santa.